Limping

The sun is out and my feet celebrate their escape from shoes and socks.  What better way to celebrate than by slipping on the flip-flops and getting a pedicure?  Lately, I have not had good luck with the nail care industry.  The last time I had my nails done, they hurt me.  "So saw-dee," followed several gouges with the electric drummel to the cuticle.  Time fades the memory of pain, so with a joyful step I entered DaVinci Nail Salon for my springtime pedicure.

"You wan calusel?"  I interpreted to mean, "Do you want your calluses gently removed?"  Throwing caution to the wind, I responded in the affirmative.  "That be 10 dalla mo."  And thus began the torture.

It all started innocently enough with a bit of filing and clipping of the nails, but then she smeared on some sort of callus remover (with rubber gloves - I should have had a clue) and placed my feet in baggies.  With the massage chair set at full intensity, I closed my eyes and tried to relax.  Every so often I felt a stinging sensation which became a bit more stabbing with time, but I so enjoyed the chair....

I have used a pumice stone before so I am familiar with the technique of rubbing calluses with the stone until they are gradually removed.  Well baby, there was no gradual with this gal.  She pulled out a grinding stone the size of a full pound of butter and began her assault.  The heels were okay, but when she laid into the arches (Does anyone have calluses there???), I felt myself weakening and began to wince each time she took strokes vigorous enough to remove barnacles  from the hull of a ship.  "Oh, so saw-dee, dat hut?" would surely be followed by a more gentle technique.  No such luck.

My mind wandered from the relaxation of the massage chair to wondering whether the footbath water might be turning pink from my blood.  It is a good thing that I chose bright red polish to finish up the job or people might have noticed the drips of blood around my fleeing feet as I made my way to the polish dryer where a sign was clearly posted, "Fan will shut off when you move out of your hands."  Would this take an out-of-body experience to finally escape?

I always, always tip.  Somehow, today, I couldn't bring myself to it.  When I got out to the car, I examined my feet.  It looked like I had decided to slide barefoot down a rock embankment.  I headed to WalMart to purchase some antibacterial and bandages.   This is not an exaggeration!  My kids accuse me of exaggerating - not so today.

On a happy note, the toenails are quite pretty and will look good as I prop them up for relief, because walking without a limp is out of the question.