I have the attention span of a gnat. Nothing delights me more than being able to watch a great episode of sibling rivalry unfold in church.
Setting: church
Characters: older red-haired brother, spikey-haired baby brother, blonde curly-haired sister, bruinette trouble-maker brother, very calm mother, very ready to exit daddy
Props: crayons, paper program, cardboard pop-up Bible book (Do two-year-olds really pick up on appropriate reading material for church?), personal clothing items
All looks orderly, but any wisened parent knows that this set of parents will not win the battle today. With three kids, a set of parents has a chance of maintaining order because the children can be seated - child - parent - child - parent - child, thus separating the kids and preventing murder in church (either kid-to-kid or parent-to-kid). With four or more kids, no such hope can exist.
It all begins to unravel when bruinette trouble-maker brother smashes spikey-haired baby brother's hand when the attempt is made to touch the page (a beautiful depiction of Noah with the fold-up flap revealing the many animals on the arc) that bruinette trouble-maker brother is quietly pondering. The crayons clenched in the hands of spikey-hair baby are immediately used as weapons to deliver stabs to bruinette trouble-maker brother's head. Exit dad and baby, never to be seen again.
Mommy is cuddling blonde curly-haired sister in a hypnotic state, eyes fixed on the speaker and not blinking. As a teacher I know that she is in the twilight zone, far, far away from the "whoa-be-unto-you's" "hither-to-fore's" and "so-be-it's". She does an excellent job of looking very reverent and ponderous.
Meanwhile, at the end of the row, bruinette trouble-maker brother and older red-haired brother engage in the hand-to-hand combat of Ninja warriors, complete with eye gouging, throat chops, and dusting each other with an invisible powder housed in their front shirt pockets. Mommy and blonde curly-haired sister are calmly oblivious to the warfare that is unfolding in complete and utter silence. Not a giggle, not a grunt, not a snort. These two brothers are masters.
I am transfixed at their silent ability (only honed because of skilled training from birth to this very moment) to thrust their fists into each other's pockets, grab the magic dust, throw it on their opponent, shield their eyes from the dreaded eye gouge, while their opponent is able to deliver a double handed choke hold to the throat. The expertly folded program has turned into a Ninja star which is thrust up the nostril of red-haired older brother. As bruinette trouble-maker brother climbs up the chest of red-haired older brother and about to spring in for one last blow, mommy's eyes unglaze and she calmly (and silently, may I add) moves to sit between the two, never losing focus on the speaker. No one dies today, unless perhaps later it will be daddy who's been asleep on the couch in the lobby while spikey-haired baby wanders the halls.
Ours is a church of miracles and the accumulation of many fine skills.
Setting: church
Characters: older red-haired brother, spikey-haired baby brother, blonde curly-haired sister, bruinette trouble-maker brother, very calm mother, very ready to exit daddy
Props: crayons, paper program, cardboard pop-up Bible book (Do two-year-olds really pick up on appropriate reading material for church?), personal clothing items
All looks orderly, but any wisened parent knows that this set of parents will not win the battle today. With three kids, a set of parents has a chance of maintaining order because the children can be seated - child - parent - child - parent - child, thus separating the kids and preventing murder in church (either kid-to-kid or parent-to-kid). With four or more kids, no such hope can exist.
It all begins to unravel when bruinette trouble-maker brother smashes spikey-haired baby brother's hand when the attempt is made to touch the page (a beautiful depiction of Noah with the fold-up flap revealing the many animals on the arc) that bruinette trouble-maker brother is quietly pondering. The crayons clenched in the hands of spikey-hair baby are immediately used as weapons to deliver stabs to bruinette trouble-maker brother's head. Exit dad and baby, never to be seen again.
Mommy is cuddling blonde curly-haired sister in a hypnotic state, eyes fixed on the speaker and not blinking. As a teacher I know that she is in the twilight zone, far, far away from the "whoa-be-unto-you's" "hither-to-fore's" and "so-be-it's". She does an excellent job of looking very reverent and ponderous.
Meanwhile, at the end of the row, bruinette trouble-maker brother and older red-haired brother engage in the hand-to-hand combat of Ninja warriors, complete with eye gouging, throat chops, and dusting each other with an invisible powder housed in their front shirt pockets. Mommy and blonde curly-haired sister are calmly oblivious to the warfare that is unfolding in complete and utter silence. Not a giggle, not a grunt, not a snort. These two brothers are masters.
I am transfixed at their silent ability (only honed because of skilled training from birth to this very moment) to thrust their fists into each other's pockets, grab the magic dust, throw it on their opponent, shield their eyes from the dreaded eye gouge, while their opponent is able to deliver a double handed choke hold to the throat. The expertly folded program has turned into a Ninja star which is thrust up the nostril of red-haired older brother. As bruinette trouble-maker brother climbs up the chest of red-haired older brother and about to spring in for one last blow, mommy's eyes unglaze and she calmly (and silently, may I add) moves to sit between the two, never losing focus on the speaker. No one dies today, unless perhaps later it will be daddy who's been asleep on the couch in the lobby while spikey-haired baby wanders the halls.
Ours is a church of miracles and the accumulation of many fine skills.
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