Not Making This Up

Them: "Something's wrong with this sugar. It won't melt."
Me: "It will melt and coat the nuts."
Them: "The nuts are burning up." (billowing smoke)
Me: "Taste it."
Them: "Oh, we used salt."

Them: "These caramels look gross."
Me: "You've scorched the cream to the bottom of the pan."

Them: "The recipe said to boil it."
Me: "Did you stir constantly with the flat-bottomed candy paddle and watch the temperature."

Them: "Oh, you have to stir?? When were we supposed to put in the thermometer??"

(billowing smoke) Me: "You're burning the toffee."

Them: "It said to cook it for about 13 minutes."

Me: "It's black and smoking."

Them: "Do you think it's ruined??" (more billowing smoke)

Them: "This doesn't look like lolipop syrup."
Me: "You're right. What's in it?"
Them: "We followed the recipe exactly."
Me: "Okay. Who measured the corn syrup?"

Them: "He did."

Me: "Who measured the sugar."

Them: "She did."

Me: "Where did you get the sugar."

Them: "Sugar??? We used flour."

Me: "You just made play-dough."

Them: "We can't get this molten candy off the marble slab."

Me: "You mean the buttered marble slab?"

Them: "Buttered???"

Me: "Start chipping."

Them: "This taffy's too hard to pull."

Me: "Yes, I see. What temperature did you cook it to."

Them: "Temperature???? I don't know, around 400."

Me: "It will be sucky candy."

Them: "Our peanut brittle has black nuts." (billowing smoke)

Me: "You burned the nuts."

Them: "We didn't see them burn."

Me: "They sink to the bottom of the candy in the hot pan." (billowing smoke)
Them: "Do you think we should stop cooking them." (billowing smoke)

It's been a rough week thus far....